he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
