3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
