I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
