Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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