Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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