we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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