i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
