I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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