im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
