just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
