Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
