Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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