last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
