at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
