I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
