he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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