Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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