I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
