I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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