did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
