I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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