I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
