ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
