You're my little dorito
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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