i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize