is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
