Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
