i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
