I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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