1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
