I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
