why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
