No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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