I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
