i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
