Cold hands, warm shart.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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