i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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