I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come share oat with me in your robe