i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time