Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
