sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
