he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
