I smell stomach acid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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