'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
farters have to be the big spoon...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
