no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want her autograph on my taint
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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