I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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