Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
