My balls are so social today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
