yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
