Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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