I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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