What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
