After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
