Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
