You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
