Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
