My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
