to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
