New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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