If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
