A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
