So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
love makes seman taste better
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
