At least make sure they are 18
Why
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
