I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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