he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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