You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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