Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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