I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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