Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
