I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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