bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
