So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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